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I will never play Dante's Inferno and neither should you.

There, I said it.

I realize that after reading such a welcoming opening line a great many of you are probably thinking two things: first, that I'm a super snob. And second, that any opinion I may have on the game is worthless because I clearly stated that I have no intention of ever even trying the thing. Well, in response let me say that I'm actually a pretty ok guy once you get to know me, and, no, it really isn't.

In order to help make my point, I would direct you to a wonderful little book Pierre Bayard called How to Talk About Books You Haven't Read. I should preface this by saying that the book is clearly written with snooty literature professors in mind, but hear me out! The principles therein can still be applied to all sorts of things, video games included. A short excerpt:

Being cultivated is a matter not of having read any book in particular, but of being able to find your bearings within books as a system, which requires you to know that htey form a system and to be able to locate each element in relation to others. The interior of the book is less important than its exterior, or, if you prefer, the interior of the book is its exterior, since what counts in a book is the books along side it.

It's about cultural spheres. Although I personally haven't read Dante's Inferno, I am aware of its place within Western culture. I know when and in what political/societal environment it was penned. And I'm aware of its legacy and influences. So, even if I'm not an expert on the subject, I have the general information and cultural referents necessary to at least sound like I know what I'm talking about.

Similarly, with Dante's Inferno the video game, I have an understanding of the context of its development. I know of Visceral Games and EA, I am familiar with the God of War franchise, hack-and-slash games as a whole, and video games in general. In other words, I know what Dante's Inferno will play like because I know the genre, its influences, and (most importantly) I'm aware of what other people have been saying about it. So all things considered, I'd say that I'm more than qualified to have an opinion on the game, and so, just to bring it back around, I'll say it again:

I will never play Dante's Inferno and neither should you! Here's why:

Surprisingly (or maybe not), reviews for the game have been largely positive. The most glowing praise has focused on its, for lack of a better term, "fun-factor." Nick Chester of Destructoid says: "When it comes down to it, you're going to get the best Dante's Inferno experience when you let go. Let go of the comparisons. Let go of your contempt for what it may or may not do for and to the source material. Just let go and have fun."

The implication of Chester's claim (which is just a single example of similar sentiments expressed by other reviewers) is that fun is fun regardless of context; which follows that fun is fun despite context. I gotta say, this kind of reasoning is a bit shaky. The fact is, 'fun' is dependent entirely upon context. Context is everything.

Look at it this way, throwing snowballs is fun; throwing snowballs at little old ladies crossing the street? Not so fun (stop your snickering, you sicko). In effect, Chester is saying that if you forget what it is that you're actually playing, you free yourself from the responsibility of what you're doing. Now of course, I'm not going so far as to suggest that playing Dante's Inferno is the same as pegging old ladies in the head with snowballs, I'm just illustrating the importance of context. Chester is claiming that Dante's Inferno is just another example of mindless action but it's simply not, it's Dante's Inferno! Mindless action games don't get stories about them told on NPR, those based upon epic Italian poems do.

I refuse to play Dante's Inferno because for every demon that I gorily dispatch, for every gratuitous boob-shot that the camera shoves in my face, and for every other genre trope that dominates the screen, I'll be painfully aware that I'm playing The Divine Comedy, and it angers me to no end that with all the games that are worthy of NPR stories (Mass Effect 2, Uncharted 2, and Heavy Rain to name a few) a game that takes a medieval epic poem and transforms it into puerile fantasy is what is going to stick in the minds of the general populace. When non-gamers are asked to think of a game that attempts an "intellectual" bend, Dante's Inferno will be the one that comes to mind.

Oddly enough, some reviewers have even tried to justify clams of 'philosophical depth' arguing that there is some room for critical interpretation hidden within the subtext of Dante's Inferno the video game. Brian Crecente of Kotaku says: "Dante's Inferno...is a metaphysical journey through and an animated illumination of medieval hell. It deals with morality and existentialism as aptly as it delivers an engrossing experience." The existentialism and morality to which Crecente is referring has to do with the inclusion of a Christian hell and the Christian guided morality that it follows and, in his mind, challenges. Writer Rick Dakan of Pop Matters disagreed. In a direct response to Crecente's review, Dakan says:

Crecente claims that the game is notable because it "manages to entertain and preach equally". I would maintain that the game is not preaching anything at all, indeed it actively dodges the tough questions and the even tougher lessons. Dante successfully defies God's will at every turn, to which God reacts scarcely at all...The message of the game seems to be that you can defy death and damnation, that you can make your own way despite the rules.

I think Dakan makes an interesting point here, but I have to say that his argument implicitly entertains the viewpoint that there is any conscious message included by the developers in the first place. With all respect to Crecente and Dakan, I think that this debate is the height of misapprehension. Let's be frank, Dante's Inferno is a boardroom's idea of what a thirteen-year-old boy wants in his video games. Dante's Inferno got the green light because Visceral promised gory, exciting, sexy, and bombastic action, and EA needed an answer to God of War. There is really nothing more to this. Period. Now normally I wouldn't have a problem with an approach like this -- believe me, I'm not above some good 'ole fashioned violence -- but to reiterate, Dante's Inferno plays by different rules. Unless done in the spirit of satire -- which the game most certainly is not -- you cannot have the former and the latter and expect me to just lap it up.

Here's the bottom line, I will not play Dante's Inferno because by virtue of its existence, the industry is cheapened. I don't pretend to have some great reverence for the source material -- as I said, I haven't even read it -- but I am aware of the exposure that such a project will garner, and it does nothing to help our, if you'll pardon the expression, cause. So I'm calling on all of you to follow suit and boycott Dante's Inferno. If for no other reason, do it because you don't want to prove some EA executive right. Let them know that their idea of what makes for a good video game is much more than the tripe that's offered in Dante's Inferno.